Tag Archives: twitter

Dos and Don’ts for Job Searchers on Social Media

29 Jan

So, I have a lot of friends who are way smarter and more accomplished than I am, including my friend Donna Tuttle, who blogs here, and also has a real job here, and also does so much to bring together a community using social media that honestly? It makes my head spin.

The other day, she asked me to make a video she could use in a presentation to college-age women in communication at Texas State University about the dos and don’ts of using social networking like Twitter and Facebook when you’re looking for a job.

I hate being on video. But I love Donna. Continue reading

How Not To Be A Moron on Twitter

16 Nov

In the last week or so, I’ve become VERY popular on Twitter. People who usually never talk to me are sending me cryptic private messages, filling up my inbox with whispered secrets.

 “ROFL, is this YOU in this video? http://clickhere.com.”

“I think I’m smarter than you, take the IQ challenge here. http://youareamoron.com.”

“I’m making $400 a day on Twitter, click here to find out how. http://noreallyclickitsfun.com.”

“I like to call sweat pants buffet pants.”

Well, the last one was a real message. But the other three, all of which I received 30 billion times each, were all spam direct messages, not sent to me by friends, but by internet hoodlums who had gotten a hold of my friends’ Twitter accounts. How’d it happen? They got the same spam message in their inbox, got curious about the link, and GAVE AWAY THEIR PASSWORD.

Seriously. Y’all, stop doing that.

What happens next is embarassing. Some of your friends start sending you messages back, “Hey, you sent me a spam mesage.” Some report you as a spam-sender and block you. The rest of us, though? We are quietly judging you.

We are wondering why you were worried enough that you might be in the “OMG, is this YOU??” video to click.  Just what kind of Paris Hilton-style tape do you have out there?

We’re rolling our eyes that you thought you could make $400 a day on Twitter. Silently smirking that you wanted to take an IQ test to prove you were smarter than us.

As if.

Listen, I get it. I clicked on one of those once, a link promising to show me who was stalking me on Twitter profile — entered my password, then watched in shame as my account sent out unauthorized messages on my account.

Not only did I then have to deal with the hassle of deleting the offending tweets and changing my password, everyone knew I was a dork.

It’s like that Anna Kournikova virus that spread a few years back. Click on the link, and not only did you send all your friends a virus, all of them knew you had clicked because you wanted to see naked pictures of a hot tennis player.

I didn’t fall for that, because hello? My racquet doesn’t swing that way. But Mike Wendland, the technology writer for the Detroit Free-Press, did. And got to tell the whole world about it when he sent the virus to a thousand of his dearest friends and business contacts. His column about it is a classic.

So next time, before you click on a link, think long and hard. “Do I want everyone in the free world knowing I was interested in free Viagra samples, easy breast enlargement exercises, an inside look at the secret world of the Kardashian sisters?”

If not, don’t click. Just say no.

Who’s Stealing Your Identity on Twitter?

28 Jul

It appeared in my Twitter stream as a note from a friend, seductively beckoning:

“Want to know whos stalking you on twitter!?: Click here, stupid.”

Only, of course, it didn’t say “Click here, stupid.” Because I wouldn’t fall for that. Instead, it linked to a site called Twitviewer, promising to show you the last 200 people who had looked at your Twitter profile.

Now, the missing apostrophe in “whos” should have been RED FLAG #1 that this was not a well-run business model.

But, no, I blithely clicked on.

Then, ignored RED FLAG #2 when the site said “enter twitter ID and password.”

Now, some legitimate applications need that information. Tweetie, Tweetdeck, Tweepular. But they also explain to you why they need your password, what they will do with it, how they will store it, etc.

This “stalker” site had none of that. What it did have? The appeal to everyone’s inner middle-schooler. The “I know who likes you,” pitch. So I entered my information, and ignored RED FLAG #3 – No disclaimer about how they protect your information.

After all, it was worth the risk to see who was stalking me. Maybe @JohnMayer? Maybe @Oprah? Maybe @BarackObama? Who could want to see what I was up to on Twitter?

Of course, the answer was 200 boob-flashing wanna-be porn stars that I could add to my “following” list with just one click.

Sigh. I’m such a moron sometimes.

Of course, when I logged back into my Twitter account, I learned to no surprise that the Twitviewer site had used my provided password to tweet out my suggestion that all my friends visit its site, too. Awesome.

So if you went there, stop reading this post about my stupidity and go change your Twitter password before you find yourself unwittingly sending out spam all the live-long day. I’m sorry. If you didn’t go there, write down the three red flags I should have seen that would have saved me a lot of headaches today.

  1. If they can’t even spell their marketing pitch, they may not be concerned with other details. Like ethics. Or your privacy.
  2. If they ask for your password, be darn sure you know why they want it.
  3. If they have no posted privacy policy, it’s probably because they are stealing your identity.

Don’t be a moron like me. Thanks.

The Birds and the Butterflies and Twitter Morons

19 Jun

Wow, when I offered to answer the Internet’s problems Monday, some of you had some great questions.  Some of you should probably seek professional help. And some of you? Both “A” and “B” are correct.

First, I want to be clear that despite my comments on our dogs, I am not ACTUALLY an expert on animal sex habits. Although when my daughter was in kindergarten, the school district in its infinite wisdom decided that spring mating season would be the absolute best time to schedule a field trip to the zoo.

And so, I spent the entire zoo trip saying things like this to six-year-olds:

“Oh dear, the monkeys are wrestling! Let’s go see the kangaroos!”

“Huh, the kangaroos are playing leapfrog in slow motion! Let’s go see the hippos!”

And then, when we got to the hippos, they were doing this:


Thirty seconds after this picture was taken, it became a hippo porn movie. And so we decided it was time for a picnic lunch at the playground.

However, although no one asked about the mating habits of hippos, my sweet fellow blogger Bridget did want to know about bird sex. She asked, “Do birds get stuck while they’re flying? Do they sit down? How’s that work?”

Well Bridget, it depends on the species. In the case of storks, they don’t actually have sex. Humans bring them babies. It’s only fair.

Other species of birds, as I learned on BackyardNature.net, mate on the ground with male climbing on the female, and flapping his wings to keep from slipping off.  Either that or he’s really proud of himself. Interestingly, there are a couple of species exceptions to this. Swifts and swallows, which are in the bird mile-high club,  mate in midair.

Yes. Swifts and swallows. That’s what I said.

Go look at Bridget’s sweet angel face on her website, and remember — SHE IS THE ONE WHO ASKED ABOUT BIRD SEX.

Rene also had a nature question, although hers was G-rated. She wanted to know: “Where do butterflies go when it rains?”

Rene, that depends. Do you need to know this for small children? Small children that have been driving you crazy all day with whining and fighting and incessant questions?

If so, take them for a walk after it has rained. Point out the puddles on the street with shimmering colors reflected on them from the oil on the street. Say “Kids, isn’t that pretty? Like little rainbows on the puddles?”

And when they see the rainbows and comment on how pretty they are, drop your voice real low and whisper “those are melted baby butterflies who didn’t listen to their mommies.”

You’re welcome. Of course, if you are wondering for well-behaved children, the real answer is here: KidsButterfly.org.

Finally, Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka wanted to know something not at all related to the animal kingdom *or* sex, thank goodness.

She asked “Riddle me this: why do people on Twitter follow me only to unfollow me when I follow them back? QUESTION FOR THE AGES.”

Well, Riddler Aunt Becky, that is a tricky question. If you know the person, and you like them, you may want to give them the benefit of a doubt that perhaps Twitter is acting up and randomly unfollowed you on their behalf, and send them a friendly tweet like “Can you DM me the link to that genital wart treatment plan that worked for you? I would DM you but you’re not following me, silly!”

Or, if the person is one of the Twitter marketing “geniuses,” you can safely just assume they’re a douchebag and block them.

Then, there is a third possibility, one I hestitate to even mention because I would never react that way. But the person who unfollowed you *could*just be jealous of your excellent blogging skills and bitter that you are kicking their ass in the Funniest Blog Contest.

I hope the answers were helpful, Bridget, Rene and Aunt Becky. If I didn’t answer your question this time around either I will get to it soon, or I don’t have any idea.

Also, one more another loving reminder:
2009 BlogLuxe Awards
 You can vote every day. Come on, they will be narrowing it down to finalists soon.

If The Dogs Had Twitter

24 Mar

bailey Just pooped in the hall. On the swirly-patterned rug so it’s indiscernible. Hilarity will ensue.

tutter  @bailey BOL! Get it? Bark out Loud.

Quince @tutter @bailey U R such a tool.

bailey Just heard the humans scream. Guess they discovered it!  #baddog

tutter @bailey UR such a bitch ROFBOL

Quince @tutter @bailey She’s done worse. I have proof.  http://twitpic.com/2epil

tutter RT @Quince http://twitpic.com/2epil hahaha! #baddog

bailey @Quince UR so retarded! I can’t believe you posted that!!

tutter Heard the fridge open. Running to the kitchen at full speed. #corgisrule

Quince @tutter Full speed is pretty slow when you’re shaped like a football with feet.

tutter @Quince Bite me. At least I don’t run around barking like an idiot when the humans say “Is Timmy in the well?” #douche

bailey why is everyone who follows me a neo-con or a porn spammer? or a cat.

bigcat @bailey fine, I’m blocking you. You weren’t reciprocating anyway.

quince Totally humping @tutter right now! I rule.

Tutter @quince @bailey Hahaha! Just noticed mom is following you both. You are so busted.

twitter fail whale

lettergirl Just deactivated the dogs’ twitter accounts. Bet the site is running faster soon!

Dear Cool Kids

18 Mar

I hear you’re all using this thing called “Twitter” or something like that. Want to help me out? Right now I have exactly one follower.


As a bonus, click now and see the total internet cliche icon picture of just my eyes and bangs.  Shut up about it. I have insecurities about my fat neck. I got voted “prettiest eyes” in the yearbook my senior year in high school, and ever since, I hate every other feature. Those voters warped me, man.

No, I’m not kidding. There really was a “prettiest eyes” category. It was the 80s. Don’t judge. Yes, LGV. I *know* you were most likely to succeed or something relevant like that. You’re still playing Mafia Wars on Facebook just like the rest of us.

Now, you all have to go to the twitter link and then you can come back and post “your eyes aren’t that great, either.” Then I will have nothing.

Oh yes,  “Hello 4,000 new visitors who wanted to see Dora’s makeover!”

Wait, where are you going?



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