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If the Shoe Fits…

23 Jul

In my 20s, I used to enter 100-mile bike rides for fun. And would get up early, take a shower, do my hair, and then put on some lipgloss to match my jersey before packing the bike on the back of the Bronco and heading to the ride start. True story.

This morning, I agreed to meet a friend at the gym at 6 for some elliptical time. It’s 5 minutes from the house, so I set the alarm for 5:50. Got dressed in the dark, drove down the street, and headed in to the gym.

And then I looked down.



No, I’m not Dedrater. It was Ukiah

9 Feb

So, did you know there’s a whole Internet group for people who think they’re being clever and write Haiku, but then it turns out, they’ve been out of Haiku-writing class for a long time and they end up writing the lines like this:

Clever blog post eludes me.
So, I try Haiku.
But, I miscount syllables.

Real Haiku = 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables
Dork Haiku = 7 syllables, 5 syllables, 7 syllables

And yes, there is whole Internet group of retarded haiku-composers like me. They call it Ukiah. Get it? Haiku backwards. Now that you’re in on the joke, go read the post title again.

Really though, the too-many-syllables Haiku is rather fitting. I can be quite guarded, but when I decide to let it down? “Hello, Oversharers Anonymous?” I do usually share way more than two extra syllables.

As evidence, let’s consider the week before last, when I blogger I adore but DO NOT KNOW linked to a post of mine in her sidebar. I should have sent this email.

“Thank you so much for the nice link. I have followed your blog for a long time, and it really made my day.”

My Ukiah email? More like this:

“Oh my gosh! I saw I was getting some hits from your site and when I saw you linked to me, I totally burst into happy tears! No, not a stalker, but I really, REALLY, REALLYlove your blog and it’s my favorite thing ever and can I send you a puppy or something because you are the coolest thing and I feel like the nerd girl who just got talked to by the head cheerleader and OMG YOU ARE SO AWESOME!!!! Again, not a stalker or 15 years old, just really happy.”

STUNNINGLY, she did not email me back and we are not now BFFs, *and* she may have a restraining order on me. See? Ukiah.

So to summarize:
Yes, I used too many syllables in my Friday Moron Roundup Haiku. Aside: Ha! Note the irony in the title!!
Yes, it’s not surprising, since I can be a real dork.
Yes, I am signing up for an Internet social skills class.

Have a nice Monday.


Dear Internet

22 Jan

Could everyone please give a warm cyber-welcome to “Not Going Postal’s” newest reader,  my precious husband? At least a friendly wave?

He, of course, chose *yesterday* to decide he would go ahead and read this little blog thing that I’ve been writing.  Not on the day I wrote about the MLK March, mind you? Or penned a  hopeful post about our new president.

No, on the day that I professed my crush for a 9-fingered democrat *AND* may have told the world-wide-web of his previously private predilection for Ms. Samantha Brown.

Howdy, Cowboy

Howdy, Cowboy

Awesome, right? Welcome to the Blogosphere, honey.
Now, if y’all will excuse me, I apparently need to go shopping for a cowgirl outfit.
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