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Of Christmas Pictures and New Year’s Resolutions

4 Jan

Yes, still here.

So, uh, Christmas vacation and children home and present-buying and finals, you get the idea. Nice to see you again.

Let’s start with a little season wrap-up.

Like, the Christmas Card picture of my beautiful family.

They’re all so good-looking, aren’t they? Smart and sweet as your grandmother’s divinity. And if your grandmother didn’t make divinity, I’ll just explain that it is pure sugar mixed with corn syrup. VERY sweet. And usually full of nuts, which may just explain our family perfectly.

Striving towards divine. But in the meantime, divinity.

When I proudly showed people the Christmas card photo, of course no one said “How precious!” They all said “why aren’t you in the picture?”

Well, three things.

First, I am the one in control of the camera.  We often come home from family outings, and as we’re looking through pictures, my husband will say “Oh look, another outing with no evidence of you whatsoever.”

Honestly, y’all, I think he should be grateful for this. When I accidentally back off a cliff and fall to my death trying to get the perfect shot someday, my husband will be able to remarry without having to cut me out of any family photographs so his second wife doesn’t feel awkward. I am trying to be thoughtful. I’m sweet as divinity that way.

Reason 2 is a little more specific. As I was getting ready for his big corporate holiday party, I got frustrated with my hair.

Very frustrated.

And lo, it came to pass that there were scissors in the bathroom. And an angel not of the Lord whispered “behold, I bring you tidings of great joy. Cut your own bangs.”

Uh, yeah. That worked out AWESOME.

So I kind of look liked an escapee from the Island of Misfit Trophy Wives for the party. Which was fine, because my husband didn’t go anyway, because he was on a work trip. So I went with one of the ladies he works with. Because that’s how cool his corporate parties are. I want to go to his parties even when he can’t be there. I mean, REO Speedwagon was the party band, for crying out loud.

I Can’t Fight That Feeling, I had to go. Although I have to say this. The high-def Jumbotron screens? Not your friend any more, Kevin Cronin.

Although I’m Gonna Keep On Loving You.

Because you know, time has not been super nice to me, either. And that brings us to Reason Three I am not in the Christmas Card picture.

We didn’t want to pay extra postage for the panoramic shot that would have been required to get me in it. Because hello, Fatty McFatterson here.

Which segues nicely into the latter half of the title: New Year’s Resolutions.

I’ll be joining with RecipeGirl and about a zillion other people in the “Ten in 2010” challenge to make healthier choices for the next 10 weeks as we get start off a new decade.

I’ll explain more tomorrow about my specific resolutions, but really, they’re pretty simple. Cooking at home at least 5 nights a week, and putting my new EasyTone Reeboks* to the test with walking at least 10 miles a week this month, and 15 a week in February. And I’m not eating anything sweeter than divinity.

Unless nibbling on my family counts.

Happy New Year.

*This is not a sponsored adventure with the EasyTones. I bought them myself, FCC.

Peas on Earth, Goodwill Towards Men

8 Dec

One, two, three, four…. 

If you carrot all, you will play along and leave a comment.


 I declare a pun war. 

Now, I love me some Veggie Tales.  I know their Nativity Set is part of a video where the vegetables put on a Christmas Play and it’s good, quirky fun. But you know, that is some RICH pun material. 

So lettuce begin. Gourd your loins and leave your best veggie-related Christmas pun. I have faith in you. I know you’ll produce some awesome comments. Go on. 

Of course there will be a poll. And a prize. You can either have the Veggie Tales Christmas CD *or* I will sing the Veggie Tales theme song for you. Winner picks. 

Get punning.

Halloween Awesomeness

28 Oct

Sure, we could carve pumpkins with scary faces.

If we were NORMAL.

Alas, we are not.

So, I present to you: The Raising of the Flag at Iwo Jima.

Iwo Jima Pumpkin

Can I tell you how long my husband spent looking through the bucket of soliders for the the right 4 guys?












And, a tribute to Swine Flu.

Swine Flu Pumpkin

And I had the flu while making it. Oh, the irony.









This is what happens when smart-alec journalists marry each other.  Now you know.


Dear Saint Patrick

17 Mar

Aren’t you proud? In honor of the holiday, my Facebook Mafia has a new weapon.

Yes, among our weapons to take down Chrissy Blue Eyes, 2 Gold Desert Eagles, 9 chain guns and a “Pint of Green Beer.”
We were *totally* going to fight with corned beef, but someone ate it all at the wake for Don Sophia.
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day.
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