Yes, still here.
So, uh, Christmas vacation and children home and present-buying and finals, you get the idea. Nice to see you again.
Let’s start with a little season wrap-up.
Like, the Christmas Card picture of my beautiful family.
They’re all so good-looking, aren’t they? Smart and sweet as your grandmother’s divinity. And if your grandmother didn’t make divinity, I’ll just explain that it is pure sugar mixed with corn syrup. VERY sweet. And usually full of nuts, which may just explain our family perfectly.
Striving towards divine. But in the meantime, divinity.
When I proudly showed people the Christmas card photo, of course no one said “How precious!” They all said “why aren’t you in the picture?”
Well, three things.
First, I am the one in control of the camera. We often come home from family outings, and as we’re looking through pictures, my husband will say “Oh look, another outing with no evidence of you whatsoever.”
Honestly, y’all, I think he should be grateful for this. When I accidentally back off a cliff and fall to my death trying to get the perfect shot someday, my husband will be able to remarry without having to cut me out of any family photographs so his second wife doesn’t feel awkward. I am trying to be thoughtful. I’m sweet as divinity that way.
Reason 2 is a little more specific. As I was getting ready for his big corporate holiday party, I got frustrated with my hair.
And lo, it came to pass that there were scissors in the bathroom. And an angel not of the Lord whispered “behold, I bring you tidings of great joy. Cut your own bangs.”
Uh, yeah. That worked out AWESOME.
So I kind of look liked an escapee from the Island of Misfit Trophy Wives for the party. Which was fine, because my husband didn’t go anyway, because he was on a work trip. So I went with one of the ladies he works with. Because that’s how cool his corporate parties are. I want to go to his parties even when he can’t be there. I mean, REO Speedwagon was the party band, for crying out loud.
I Can’t Fight That Feeling, I had to go. Although I have to say this. The high-def Jumbotron screens? Not your friend any more, Kevin Cronin.
Although I’m Gonna Keep On Loving You.
Because you know, time has not been super nice to me, either. And that brings us to Reason Three I am not in the Christmas Card picture.
We didn’t want to pay extra postage for the panoramic shot that would have been required to get me in it. Because hello, Fatty McFatterson here.
Which segues nicely into the latter half of the title: New Year’s Resolutions.
I’ll explain more tomorrow about my specific resolutions, but really, they’re pretty simple. Cooking at home at least 5 nights a week, and putting my new EasyTone Reeboks* to the test with walking at least 10 miles a week this month, and 15 a week in February. And I’m not eating anything sweeter than divinity.
Unless nibbling on my family counts.
Happy New Year.
*This is not a sponsored adventure with the EasyTones. I bought them myself, FCC.