22 Things You Need To Know

3 May

1. The acid-washed jeans you kept from high school don’t look good anymore.

2. Mullets are not coming back


3. Galileo was right, Ptolemy’s Theory is wrong.

4. Your life would be no different if the popular kid in 4th grade had invited you to his/her pool party.

5. Dungeons and Dragons was never cool.

6. You would not have been in Gryffindor because you would not have been admitted to Hogwarts. Ever.

7. We really landed on the moon.

8. It is not made of cheese.

9. Bigfoot is a tall guy in a costume.

10. Hitler is not secretly living in South America with a new identity.

11. Bristol Palin is not a star or a dancer.

12. No one likes Hugh Hefner for his personality.

13. You’re too old for tube tops this time around.

14. You really are going to use algebra after high school. All the time.

15. However, you won’t ever need to know what a gerund is.

16. No, “it” won’t actually make you go blind.

17. Cat’s don’t try to steal your breath. They can’t be bothered. Unless you ate tuna before bed.

18. Your dog’s tongue does not magically get sanitized between licking its butt and licking your face.

19. That is not Donald Trump’s real hair.

20. President Obama was really born in Hawaii.

21. Osama Bin Laden is really dead.

22. You don’t need to see the pictures and/or video. So stop clicking on those Facebook links. It’s a virus and you look like a moron.

12 Responses to “22 Things You Need To Know”

  1. Octopusgrabbus May 3, 2011 at 11:24 am #

    Wonderful list. Thanks.

  2. Karen May 3, 2011 at 11:25 am #

    Excuse me, but you DO NEED TO KNOW about gerunds. And it wouldn’t hurt to know how to diagram a sentence.
    your friend the grammar nerd

    • lettergirl May 3, 2011 at 11:34 am #

      Ok, you do need to know how to use them. But in polite company, you’ll never be asked for a defintion. LMAO

  3. futiledemocracy May 3, 2011 at 11:25 am #

    Couldn’t have said it better myself!

  4. Jane May 3, 2011 at 11:30 am #

    *high five!* How right you are. But…and I’m embarrassed to admit this….can you tell me how I use algebra? I managed to squeak through school w/out ever really knowing WHAT it was, that I suspect I may use and not even be aware. Of course, upon reading that one, I immediately thought “no, she’s wrong, I never do”. But then I thought “wait…this is Dawn…I might”.

    • lettergirl May 3, 2011 at 11:33 am #

      You know how to figure out how much something is going to be if it’s 30% off, yes? Algebra. How fast you have to drive to get your friend to the airport in Providence when you all slept two hours late? Slope-freaking-formula.

  5. JennC May 3, 2011 at 4:49 pm #

    Yes. Thank you.

  6. Barbara McNeely May 3, 2011 at 6:43 pm #

    I totally agree about algebra. I use it all the time. I’m not so sure about knowing what a gerund is though. 😉

  7. Karyn @ kloppenmum May 3, 2011 at 7:44 pm #

    I am particularly pleased about the mullet – it’s just wrong on so many levels.

  8. Ivey League Mama May 3, 2011 at 11:20 pm #

    If one more person in my feed clicks that stupid link, I may call and scream at them!
    (Whew! I feel better after getting that off my chest. Thanks!)

  9. Leah Steinbrink May 4, 2011 at 8:24 am #

    Love your list! And I have to admit this one thing – while I do use algebra AND know what a gerund is, I spammed all my friends on Facebook yesterday with one of those f*^%ing Osama videos. =( I swear I never actually clicked on the link, but alas, am still wearing the moron hat today!

    Anyway, this is my first time here and I’m so glad to have found your blog. I especially liked your post on the rabbits and the airplanes…

    I’ll be visiting regularly…great content, Lettergirl!


  10. corrin May 11, 2011 at 6:08 am #

    I have an English degree and I had to Google gerunds. I have never EVER heard that word.

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