Archive | February, 2011

Random Pictures From My Phone

15 Feb

Clearing out my phone’s pictures today — let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

#1. Why I am not a food blogger, Exhibit A

At Christmas, I tried to make peanut-butter blossoms with Hershey’s kisses in the middle. And they came out like this:

Let’s go caroling. “Do you see what I see?”

Yes! Boobie cookies! A new holiday tradition.

#2. The Worst Dog in the World, Exhibit Z

“Oh, hai. Remember that time I saw a possum out the window and lost my mind and jumped on you while you were drinking coffee and knocked it all over your MacBook Pro? And then, when you came home from a tearful trip to the Apple store, I had shredded up the pillows in remorse?”

Good times, good times.

#3 Why I am an Apple Customer for life, Exhibit C

When that bad thing referenced above happened, and I ran dripping with coffee and tears straight to the Apple store and said “Help, I killed my computer.”

The nice genius behind the counter said “it’s not covered under warranty but we will send it off for repairs free of charge.”

And then, when it turned out he totally shouldn’t have said that and the computer was not reparable? Apple stood behind what he said anyway, and replaced the computer.

In the picture? It totally looks like it is smiling. I know I was.



A Valentine’s Day Purple Heart

14 Feb

This is for you, yes you.

On a day of flowers when unwelcome weeds are choking your mind with

what ifs, why this, what next.

On a day of hearts when yours is bruised and mourning still-hard choices.

Break ups, break downs, brakes on.

A neglected arrangement on my desk has wilted and dried.

The roses, pretty for a season, now droop pathetic and sad.

Tucked beside them are some royal purple flowers, just filler when the bouquet was fresh.

But in this dried-out season when the resources seem exhausted, water cloudy — they still stand.

Resolutely beautiful, colors vibrant.

Perfect for a purple-heart Valentine.

Purple Heart

Makin’ Bacon

13 Feb

Purple Pig

As requested, the completed purple flying pig.

She will be going to live, for a season, in a middle school choir room where she will serve as a mascot. Then, she will return to our house for the remainder of her years.

Long may she soar.

When Pigs Fly

12 Feb

She balances delicately, one foot not quite touching the ground, ready for takeoff.

Mother-daughter alchemy has spun balloons, toilet paper rolls, plaster strips and the end of a Sonic cup into something altogether unworldy.

A flying pig.

Tomorrow, we shall paint her purple with silver sparkly wings.

Thirteen is not easy. Not for you, not for me. Rough waters bubbling with independence and  new worries and hormones, oh my Lord, the hormones.

But perhaps, in the midst of everything, you will remember that this Saturday night, we giggled and told stories, and carefully wrapped plaster straps around balloons.

And together, created something impossibly wonderful.

The Poo Promenade

5 Feb

A dance inspired by the joys of pet ownership. Practiced since pioneer times.

Saddle up, ye kiddies and gather ’round,

For the most exciting dance in town.

All winter long, the dogs have gone,

Pooping, pooping all day long.

In the backyard cold and brown,

Leaving landmines on the ground.

Yee haw!

So grab two bags from H.E.B.

And everybody follow me.

Dip to the right, pick one up!

Dip to the left, pick one up.

Fresh ones we call Stanley Steamers,

Dried  ones look like squirrel femurs.

Dip to the left, dip to the right.

Bag those poops ’til the ground’s in sight.

Yee haw!

I know you think this is a bore,

But dadgum it, I do all the chores.

Now it’s your time to mine some poo,

Come on and sing, and mind your shoes.

Dip to the left, pick one up.

Dip to the right, pick one up.

At least a Jack Russell is the source.

It’d be much worse if we had a horse.

Yee haw!

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