Archive | March, 2010

5 Reasons I’m Not a Fan of Your Business on Facebook

29 Mar

1. I’m not a customer.

Don’t get your feelings hurt. Maybe it’s because I just don’t need your services. Maybe you’re a very nice independent insurance agent and my husband already works for the best insurance company in the world. (Not a paid endorsement.) Maybe you sell fertility vitamins and I would gouge out my eyes with a rusty nail before I would try to get pregnant. Maybe you’re hawking high-calorie shakes geared towards helping people bulk up and, seriously? DO I EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN WHY I’M NOT SIGNING UP?

Of course, it could also be that I’m not a customer because I had a bad experience, like another company better, or think you’re in an industry responsible for eroding the America I know and love.

Either way, I’m not going to fan your page. Because first, I don’t volunteer to get marketing messages from a company I don’t use. And second, becoming your “fan” is a subtle endorsement. And I don’t endorse things I don’t use just to be polite.

2. You’re a tool.

Even if I do like your business, if when I look at your page, you are posting nothing but specials and advertisements, and not really interacting with customers, I’m not becoming a fan. Social media is soft-sell and relationship-based. I don’t want to be looking through my Facebook news feed and see advertisement after advertisement for buy one, get one free widget sales.

3. You’re A No-Show

On the other hand, if I go look at your “fan page” and you haven’t posted anything or responded to any questions from customers, I’m not becoming a fan, either. Don’t get a Facebook page just because someone said you should and then ignore it.

Worst example I’ve ever seen of this? Chrysler. They’ve gone in and cleaned up their fan page, but for a while, it was nothing but angry customers wanting answers about problems with their cars and getting no response. You really don’t want to put up a page where all that’s happening is people talking about how bad you suck. (Which, Chrysler? You pretty much do. But that’s a story for another post).

4. You have posting diarrhea.

I recently “de-fanned” a business because while the owner was at a conference, he went on a rampage and posted several dozen messages in a row, mostly tagging people in videos that had been uploaded in a batch. Your business is an invited guest to my social stream on Facebook. When I log on and see an entire page of your updates bumping everyone else off my page, you are off the guest list. If you would not send your whole business email contact list 28 messages in a row without taking a breath, don’t do it on Facebook.

(On a related note, don’t mindlessly link your Facebook and Twitter accounts so you post every single tweet as a status update. Some updates do double-duty, but when I see a status full of “@” names and hasthtags, I know you’re not paying attention to details, and that makes me wary as a customer.)

5. You can’t take a hint.

If you have invited me to become a fan of your business on Facebook more than three times and I’ve hit “ignore,” STOP ASKING ME. I didn’t “somehow miss your invitation,” I. Am. Ignoring. It. If we have a tenuous social connection and I accepted a personal friend request to be nice, don’t keep pimping your business to me, unless you also want me to sever the personal connection, too.

Got reasons of your own? Add them in the comments. And if you decide the best way to respond is to provide a link to your Facebook Fan Page, see reason #2.

Leprechaun Breakfast

17 Mar

Green Waffles. Green Milk.

Leprechaun pails packed with green shirts, new summer flip-flops and new green toothbrushes.

Leprechaun fingerprint on the dog so she won't get pinched.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Three Things That Will Not End Well

16 Mar

First, from our trip to the Natural Bridges Wildlife Ranch yesterday.

1. Teasing a bird big enough to peck off your head.


In this picture, my daughter is screaming “Tina, come eat your ham, you fat lard!”

“Tina” was not amused.



2. Posing without your pants on with Dora the Explorer and Barney the Dinosaur.

I am not even going to comment on how Barney is posed. Really, Reille? This is “rehabbing your image?” Pants on the ground, pants on the ground. Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.

3. Letting Drunk Interns Pick the Clip Art for Your Press Releases.

Florida Family Policy Council sent out a news release last week protesting a judge’s decision to approve a lesbian couple’s adoption. Which merits no mention because it’s what they do. But they included a picture of the couple in question.

Only it wasn’t the couple in question. The image used on the Florida Family Policy Council Council story is on the left. The real couple is on the right.

You can read the rest of the story here:

Here’s what I want to say about that. I love Jesus a whole bunch. I am sure the people at Florida Family Policy Council would say they do, too. So, let me tell you something IN LOVE.

Jesus doesn’t need this kind of ridiculous hate-fueling, truth-twisting crap to accomplish his work. He can change lives and hearts and minds without you resorting to this kind of poisonous distortion. If you really think God is sovereign, why fall back on desperate scare tactics?

OK, that’s all.

Go, Read Some Pretty Things

15 Mar

Some of my favorite people in the world have already taken me up on my 15-sentence challenge from the other day.

You should go read them all.

First, my mom, who is tops on the favorite people list, wrote her 15-sentence story in the comments of the challenge post. She broke some rules and stuff, but that is, in fact, what she does best. Ignores the rules that keep her from saying what she needs to say.

You can read her story about a sweet but needy elderly neighbor here, in the comments: Snow White’s Visit

Also, Bridget at The Ivey League, wrote a beautiful post about her grandfather. It is both genuine and poetic which is not an easy mix, but so is Bridget. Her post is titled: Contentment.

Debi from SA Busy Kids penned an all-too-familiar story about one of those terrible moments when we realize our children have stretched beyond our ability to protect them. She titled it “Awed,” which is appropriate. Because I am often awed by Debi.

McWhittle has a piercing post called “Red,” which somehow seamlessly works in poo-tossing monkeys in the midst of a heart-wrenching portrait of a friend in distress. Spend some time while you’re there at her blog, which is new to me, and worth a read.

And my lovely friend, Jenny, has written a charming piece called “Blue,” about her now-teenage son, remembering when he was fresh with new-baby smell and sweetness.

You know you have found your tribe when you post your homework assignment and ask “does anyone else want to do this, too?” And for no reason other than the love of writing, people say “sure!”


13 Mar

You stand there laughing, pulling out the sides of your choir gown in a mock curtsy. The sophistication of the gown’s burgundy taffeta clashes with neon bands on your braces. As I try to take a picture, you stick out your tongue. You flutter like a hummingbird around the kitchen, too much nervous energy for a proper portrait pose. Middle school is in the business of quickly serving up milestone after milestone: first dance, first bra, first makeup, first boy, first phone, first heartbreak. First middle school choir concert’s the milestone tonight. As you twirl in your dress and heels, I see a young woman. I wish she wouldn’t spin so fast. Your Jack Russell terrier hears the commotion and joins the fray. She’s barking, bouncing, breaking the spell of my melancholy reminiscing, pulling me into the dance. For a moment this night, we spin recklessly together on the edge, the boundary between woman and little girl. I hug you close, smelling hairspray and bubblegum lipgloss all at once. With a start, I realize the clock is shouting, “Time to go.” You brush down the sides of your choir gown, smoothing away the spinning little girl as you do. Expectant and poised, you head to the car, ready for your concert.


This is the result of a writing exercise I posted about yesterday. If you want to play along, directions are here: 15 Sentences.

15 Sentences

12 Mar

I’ve got a warm-up writing assignment for a class I’m taking, wondering if you want to play along?

It’s a 15-sentence, one-paragraph portrait, a popular writing exercise developed by the late Wendy Bishop. Think of a person you know, and this exercise will focus on them.

First, for the title, pick either a color or emotion that represents this person to you. You won’t mention the person by name in this story.

Begin your first sentence, with one of these phrases:

  • You stand there …
  • No one is here …
  • In this (memory, dream, photograph [choose any one]), you are . . .
  • I think sometimes..

Then, follow these rules for the next 14 sentences.

2: Write a sentence with a color in it.

3: Write a sentence with a part of the body in it.

4. Write a sentence with a simile.

5. Write a single sentence [no joining of two or more sentences by a semi-colon or by coordinating conjunctions] of exactly 25 words.

6. Write a sentence of exactly eight words.

7. Write a sentence with a piece of clothing in it.

8. Write a sentence with a wish in it.

9.  Write a sentence with an animal in it.

10.  Write a sentence in which three or more words of the same part of speech [nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs] alliterate.

11. Write a sentence with two and only two commas properly/normally used.

12. Write a sentence with a smell in it.

13. Write a sentence that could carry an exclamation point (!), a sentence that you might normally put an exclamation point in, but do not use the exclamation point.

14. Write a sentence that connects in some way to the first line.

15. Write a sentence to end this portrait that uses the exact word you chose for the title.

I’ll post my effort tomorrow. I’d love to link to a group of these.

Oscar Night at The Glendale Galleria

9 Mar

This post brought to you by lots of cold meds. Lots and lots of cold meds.

Location: Glendale Galleria
Time: 4:58 p.m., March 7, 2010

The mall’s usually open until 7 on Sundays, but for the Oscars, they’re closing down shop early. But, as the night guard prepares to lock the doors at the entrance between Target and JC Penney, he’s knocked to the ground as a frantic gun-wielding Charlize Theron pushes into the mall.

“No!” she screams. “I will not be denied.”

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