5 “News” Items That Are Not News To Me

12 Jan

1. Mark McGwire admits he uses steroids.  Yeah, and the Stay-Puff Marshmallow man is going on Oprah next week to admit he has a carb addiction.

Dear Mark:

We knew that. Remember when you got up before Congress in 2005 and said a million times that you wouldn’t “talk about the past?” We connected the performance-enhancing dots.

Sincerely, The American Public Who is Not as Stupid as You Think

2. Sarah Palin joins Fox News.  Anyone who didn’t see that coming has been spending too much time with Joe Six-Pack.

She posted this gem to Twitter yesterday:

What would we do, indeed? I am wringing my hands with worry and panic at the very thought. A world without Fox News.

Shudder.

As an aside, as we were opening Christmas presents at my parents’ house, my mom said “I thought about getting you Sarah Palin’s autobiography, but have you already read it?” 

I responded, “No, because I am pretty sure she’s the anti-Christ.” 

Because it was Christmas, and saying what I really thought might make Baby Jesus cry.

3. NBC Figures Out The Leno Show Sucks. Sigh. And Conan takes it on the chin.

4. Chinese Factories are Putting Dangerous Crap into Kids Toys Again. Mmmm. Cadmium. Delicious. Isn’t that their primary export now? Maybe they can team with Cadbury Chocolates and sell us Cadmium eggs for Easter.

5. Kate Gosselin has found a new way to be in the spotlight. Thata girl, Kate. If the whole “whoring out your kids so you still get paid while your marriage dissolves” thing doesn’t work, how about $7,000 worth of polyester extensions to get a little publicity for 2010? Can the Gosselin’s please just go away?

Also? My daughter has 6-year-old Barbies with more realistic-looking hair.

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12 Responses to “5 “News” Items That Are Not News To Me”

  1. Nora Frost January 12, 2010 at 10:25 am #

    TOTALLY agree. Slight, loving correction: Conan takes it to the crotch.

    • lettergirl January 12, 2010 at 10:26 am #

      ha! yes. Although I went with “chin” in honor of Jay’s Iron Jaw.

  2. modelonegro January 12, 2010 at 10:27 am #

    Right on the money about all of it. And really, does anyone want to sit around and hear Palin’s thoughts on Foreign Policy. Every educated American should needs to revolt!

    And that’s Mama Gosselin’s next trick: Steal Barbie’s hair. Its PR Gold!

  3. Elle January 12, 2010 at 11:00 am #

    Spot on! Though, I do like Fox News. Just can’t believe they’re adding Sarah Palin to the mix. WTF for?

    MM! Does he really think none of us knew? Dumbass.

    Leno needs to hang it up already and get the message that he’s not funny.

    And yes!! No more Gosselins…No more Gosselins! Can’t stand those freaking idiots. such bad excuses for parents.

  4. bernicekearney January 12, 2010 at 11:29 am #

    Bahahaha! (and guilty as charged!)

  5. Toni January 12, 2010 at 1:11 pm #

    Dawn, you really have a way of capturing what we are all thinking. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

  6. feefifoto January 12, 2010 at 2:22 pm #

    Completely correct on all five counts.

  7. Caleb January 12, 2010 at 2:41 pm #

    I think Stay Puft dude just rips a few too many bowls and subsequently destroys all food in sight. How else do you explain his unceasing smile? If he goes on Oprah, I hope she’s the one who admits to her carb addiction.

    • lettergirl January 13, 2010 at 11:36 am #

      favorite comment ever.

  8. queenofhaddock January 12, 2010 at 2:52 pm #

    Seriously? I had not seen Kate Gosslin’s hair. Um…really? Why do any of us care?

  9. Kami Lewis Levin January 13, 2010 at 11:19 am #

    Sarah Palin wants us to come join what, exactly? Is Fox News now sponsoring some weird underground fundamentalist conservative club that we need a special invite to join? How very Eyes Wide Shut!

  10. Cathy-wheresmydamnanswer January 13, 2010 at 4:01 pm #

    Could not agree with you more….. If they could only spend more time focusing on what is really important because these people and what they are or are not doing in the big picture don’t mean a DAMN thing.

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