How Not To Be A Moron on Twitter

16 Nov

In the last week or so, I’ve become VERY popular on Twitter. People who usually never talk to me are sending me cryptic private messages, filling up my inbox with whispered secrets.

 “ROFL, is this YOU in this video?”

“I think I’m smarter than you, take the IQ challenge here.”

“I’m making $400 a day on Twitter, click here to find out how.”

“I like to call sweat pants buffet pants.”

Well, the last one was a real message. But the other three, all of which I received 30 billion times each, were all spam direct messages, not sent to me by friends, but by internet hoodlums who had gotten a hold of my friends’ Twitter accounts. How’d it happen? They got the same spam message in their inbox, got curious about the link, and GAVE AWAY THEIR PASSWORD.

Seriously. Y’all, stop doing that.

What happens next is embarassing. Some of your friends start sending you messages back, “Hey, you sent me a spam mesage.” Some report you as a spam-sender and block you. The rest of us, though? We are quietly judging you.

We are wondering why you were worried enough that you might be in the “OMG, is this YOU??” video to click.  Just what kind of Paris Hilton-style tape do you have out there?

We’re rolling our eyes that you thought you could make $400 a day on Twitter. Silently smirking that you wanted to take an IQ test to prove you were smarter than us.

As if.

Listen, I get it. I clicked on one of those once, a link promising to show me who was stalking me on Twitter profile — entered my password, then watched in shame as my account sent out unauthorized messages on my account.

Not only did I then have to deal with the hassle of deleting the offending tweets and changing my password, everyone knew I was a dork.

It’s like that Anna Kournikova virus that spread a few years back. Click on the link, and not only did you send all your friends a virus, all of them knew you had clicked because you wanted to see naked pictures of a hot tennis player.

I didn’t fall for that, because hello? My racquet doesn’t swing that way. But Mike Wendland, the technology writer for the Detroit Free-Press, did. And got to tell the whole world about it when he sent the virus to a thousand of his dearest friends and business contacts. His column about it is a classic.

So next time, before you click on a link, think long and hard. “Do I want everyone in the free world knowing I was interested in free Viagra samples, easy breast enlargement exercises, an inside look at the secret world of the Kardashian sisters?”

If not, don’t click. Just say no.

14 Responses to “How Not To Be A Moron on Twitter”

  1. Bernice November 16, 2009 at 4:53 pm #

    Bahahahaha! Seriously funny! (and, I already know your IQ far surpasses mine – so at least I didn’t fall for THAT one)

  2. Ed Harvey November 16, 2009 at 5:23 pm #

    after having to reset my laptop to factory settings and losing 48 pages of dialogue and story line I don’t click on anything that even LOOKS suspect. As for the IQ challenge,… I fear you may have me beat. But,.. intelligence in a woman is VERY becoming!

  3. meanrachel November 16, 2009 at 5:28 pm #

    what I don’t understand is: who even looks at their DM’s anymore, anyway? if it ain’t an @ reply, it ain’t…well, you know. you’re smarter than me.

  4. Shaye November 16, 2009 at 7:22 pm #

    A friend of mine sent that to me this morning on facebook, then spent the rest of the day trying to get rid of the virus. I was looking for it, thanks to a message from you earlier, and didn’t open it. THANKS!

  5. Kami Lewis Levin November 16, 2009 at 7:29 pm #

    Awesome, awesome post! Those hijackers of other people’s twitter account are jerks. But us innocents who get pulled in by the hype look way more jerky…

  6. dj adelaide November 16, 2009 at 8:54 pm #

    i hate it when people use the @ mention to spam you also, it’s impossible to escape from that unless twitter shuts them down 😦

  7. ingrid November 16, 2009 at 9:33 pm #

    🙂 Thanks for the info. I’ll be sure to keep it in mind if I ever get on there.

    I’m assuming all is well as you’ve posted something new. Good.

  8. Aunt Becky November 16, 2009 at 10:28 pm #

    So wait. You didn’t say. WAS it you on that video?

    Also, I got that message at least like 70 times last week. I think I’m going to start unfollowing those meat tornado asshats.

  9. Sue Rostvold November 17, 2009 at 8:09 am #

    Okay. This happened to me but not exactly as described. I got a link from a friend, and it simply said, “You should check this out.” and had a link so I clicked on it. I even emailed my friend and said, “will you send the link again because it didn’t work!”

    It wasn’t until the next day that the fun began, I think my account sent out 200 plus DM’s in about 10 minutes. I’m lucky I caught it when I did.

    Good times.

  10. uthostage November 18, 2009 at 10:44 am #

    I thought I could recognize SPAM, but I’m sorry to say that I got one that was vague (like Sue) and clicked on the link. Someone was kind enough to let me know what was going on and I took care of it right away thankfully. I learned the hard way. 😦

  11. Janet January 2, 2010 at 9:13 pm #

    Amen. AMEN. Oh good God, those messages are annoying.

  12. Janet January 2, 2010 at 9:13 pm #

    Amen. AMEN. Oh good God, those messages are annoying. Also, people who leave comments on websites promoting fake Ugg boots or Tiffany jewelry? No one clicks on those. Not unless they are dumber than a bag of rocks.

  13. viagra March 31, 2010 at 11:44 am #

    Merci pour ce post vraiment intèressant


  1. Tweets that mention How Not To Be A Moron on Twitter « Not Going Postal -- - November 16, 2009

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Dawn, Brian Johnson, Promo George, Marco Gonzalez, Brittani Pena and others. Brittani Pena said: Hilarious! RT @lettergirl: How not to be a moron on Twitter, step 1. […]

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