So earlier this week, a dear friend entrusted me with the task of taking a nationally-known speaker, author and all-around genius out to lunch, and then on to the airport after a workshop he was conducting in town. I was delighted, of course, and when I have processed what I learned, I will write something about that.
But of course, the afternoon BEFORE I was to ferry him around town, after my car had been sitting in the driveway all day, I headed off to pick my daughter up from drama callbacks at school.
And when I opened the door to the car, I died. This story is being written from beyond the grave.
Seriously, the smell in the car was overwhelming. It was as if an army of enraged monkeys had entered it in the night and had a poo-flinging war of epic proportions. And then after they left, a herd of curious hyenas had entered, and decided to mark their territory in a pissing contest.
Even my son, whose personal hygiene standards are so low as to render his room a superfund cleanup site, entered the car and gagged out the inquiry “Ugh, what is that smell???”
So of course, both children were enlisted to look under every seat and crevice and find the source of that odor. It was found and removed.
I sprinkled an entire box of baking soda over the surfaces of the car, then took it to the car wash the next morning to vacuum it out and have a priest perform an exorcism over the remaining ghost of the smell. After that, I sprayed so much citrus air freshener in the car that it smelled like an orange grove. Then, I went into the workshop and prayed that the heat of the morning would not resurrect the smell like some rotting zombie trying to claim another victim.
Fortunately, the smell did not return. Although, when we got to the car, it did smell like a scratch-and-sniff ad for Minute Maid. So because I have NO INTERNAL FILTER, I apologized to the prominent author and speaker and told him the whole story.
And he listened politely, and then told me, hand to God here, that he has no sense of smell.
But you do, right? So do your best imagining and take a shot at solving the mystery. WHAT did we find in the back of the car that was causing this olfactory assault? Go on, leave your guess.
If you guess correctly, I will wrap it up very carefully and mail it to you. Or you can just have the personal satisfaction of being right. Your call.