Dear Facebook Quiz Addicts

8 Jul

Now listen, I love you all. I’m glad we are connected.

There’s been a hole in my life ever since we lost touch after: (check one)

  • college
  • high school
  • third grade
  • that one time at band camp
  • I got that restraining order against you

But still, I am enjoying this renewed connection. I like knowing what you’re up to, I love the pictures of your kids or cat. I enjoy trying to decide which of us has aged better. (Hi, Lisa. You win. I still like you.)

 However, there remain some things I don’t want to know about you.

I don’t want to know which swear word you would be,  how big of a b-tch you are, what sexual position you would be, or how many celebrities without makeup you can name. I am not at all worried about whether or not the Transformers would like you back.

I read Harry Potter, too, but I don’t care which Hogwarts House you would be assigned to, especially if you are over 40, because that is just sad. I don’t care if you are a Fork Biter or a Knife licker, and frankly, that sounds dirty. I don’t want to know what your lucky number is, especially if it announces it to me in a sparkly animated .gif that takes up two-thirds of my home page.

I don’t care what cookie, ice cream flavor, candy bar, or sandwich you would be. I do not want to lick your profile lollipop, and also? That is just gross.

I’m not totally anti-quiz. I will give you a pass of they are hilarious or ironic or historical like “How long would you last in a fight with God?” or “Which fiend of history are you?”  You get a pass on style points for those.

I know, you get bored. You take these things late at night and you can’t sleep because you drank 12 Diet Cokes after noon, or when you are locked in the bathroom with the laptop hiding from your children who are home for the summer and just won’t. stop. asking. questions.

Or maybe that’s just me.

But before you hit that little button that asks “publish to your News Feed?” I want you to think long and hard. Does your third-grade crush, your husband’s cousin, your BFF from college and the rest of the free world REALLY NEED TO KNOW THIS? Step back from the computer and count to ten.

And it’s not a quiz, but if for even a millisecond, you think you should tell the world that you just sent a friend an “I Weep Alone” using gothic gifts? I am begging you, turn off your computer and go get some sunshine.



P.S. For the record, I would last 15 seconds in a fight with God, although I know better than to start one.

50 Responses to “Dear Facebook Quiz Addicts”

  1. Sean July 8, 2009 at 2:07 pm #

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. You may inspire me yet to create the Facebook quiz: “Which self-absorbed Facebook quiz would you be?”

  2. Monica (peapodsquadmom) July 8, 2009 at 2:10 pm #

    bwahahaha! i hate those things. i hate that i sometimes can’t help myself and dive right into one that sounds interesting in an it’s-two-a.m.-and-i-can’t-sleep sorta’ way.

    another great laugh from lettergirl. thanks!

  3. Mr. Nuggets July 8, 2009 at 2:22 pm #

    I love this! I’ve been guilty of doing those quizzes myself but, frankly, it’s one of the reasons I have (what I just identified as) a sub-conscious aversion to Facebook. Hence, I spend very little time there.

    Aren’t we already drinking from a big enough firehose of social media already?


  4. Elle July 8, 2009 at 2:23 pm #

    Amen! Those drive me nuts, seriously. Who has time to take them, anyway? And did I really see one that was “65 Ridiculous and Random Things You Didn’t Know About Me?”

    For f**k’s sake, people!

  5. wisekaren July 8, 2009 at 2:24 pm #

    You’re in luck — if you use Firefox, that is. There’s a GreaseMonkey script that will filter out all quizzes from your Facebook feed! It’s heaven:

  6. Adrenalynn July 8, 2009 at 2:31 pm #

    Ohmygodthisishilarious! And so true. Thank you for being the voice of truth in this crazy world.

  7. debbie July 8, 2009 at 2:33 pm #

    Amen, sister! Now I just have to resist the urge to click the “share on facebook” button…

  8. RJ Flamingo July 8, 2009 at 3:08 pm #

    I am delighted when someone thinks well-enough of one of my recipes or something else I’ve written on FB – even though I have no idea how that works. I’m equally thrilled that, despite exhortations from several family members / friends, I have thus far resisted the temptation to join up. You make it sound so appealing…

  9. RJ Flamingo July 8, 2009 at 3:10 pm #

    Also, do you have any idea how hard it is to write a comment that makes sense, with one thumb?

  10. Dawn July 8, 2009 at 3:18 pm #

    Love it!!!

  11. Andrew July 8, 2009 at 4:05 pm #

    I’d say that about sums it up. Good job…

  12. pocketfulofmumbles July 8, 2009 at 4:08 pm #

    couldn’t. agree. more.
    thank you for saying it!

  13. dawn July 8, 2009 at 4:42 pm #

    so does this mean I should NOT send the links to the quizzes anymore?

  14. feefifoto July 8, 2009 at 6:24 pm #

    Huh. I don’t even care what most of my former classmates are up to, much less which Hogwarts House they’d belong to. I’ve learned to accept the friend requests and then hide from people I don’t care about, just so they won’t spread it around what a b!tch I am.

  15. queenofhaddock July 8, 2009 at 9:33 pm #

    You did it again…I can always count on you for a good laugh!

  16. Aunt Becky July 8, 2009 at 9:38 pm #

    Wait, you don’t care what my Muppet alter-ego is? Well neither do I.

    Best part of getting Facebook on my iPhone is that none of that annoying crap is on there.

    Oh, BTW, name 5 memories you have of me. And then do this meme.

  17. Samantha July 8, 2009 at 9:39 pm #

    Hoo-ray. They really ought to give you a choice to avoid having quizzes published. Though admittedly if some of them stopped publishing their quiz results then they’d no longer have any news.

  18. Rachel July 9, 2009 at 8:19 am #

    It cracks me up to see who is taking which quiz, but I totally click the “hide the What the crap made me take this quiz in the first place” button on the right every time.

  19. Adalberto Hernandez Vega July 9, 2009 at 12:32 pm #

    This is great. To all quiz addicts I would add: You better do a true TEST like this IQ Test: and publish your results in your info page as suggested.

  20. Icy Blue July 9, 2009 at 3:53 pm #

    Thank you- hysterical- the Harry Potter part so funny! but I have to say, sometimes I like knowing if someone would be a rubiks cube or a deck of cards, if they were male or female in a past life, and yes, if they are a Martha Stewart, a Larry Flynt, or a Julia Child. and if you must know- I am a hampster and I have a ball to ride in and I’m coming over. 🙂

  21. Tim Dahl July 9, 2009 at 4:03 pm #


  22. madmonq July 9, 2009 at 4:24 pm #

    I like your style, lady.

    I hate FaceSpace myself. If there was a quiz asking which of the Seven Dwarves I were, I’d have to find a way to fill in the answer with “Stabby” dwarf for sending me another stupid f’in quiz.

  23. Queen Speaks July 9, 2009 at 4:58 pm #

    This post is priceless. I have been bombarded with quiz after quiz on Facebook. I simply read and ignore them. Your a genius for putting this out there hopefully people will listen.

  24. Leigh July 9, 2009 at 9:37 pm #

    This is just the nature of facebook! If you don’t like it, then don’t look at it! It’s annoying sometimes and who cares, but there are tons of people who have a lot of time on their hands. FB is for entertainment, fun,sillyness, etc. Hit the ignore button or just scroll on down if you don’t want to see it for God’s sake.

    PS – My favorite pizza topping is mushrooms!!!

  25. BWC July 9, 2009 at 11:10 pm #

    Ha! That was hilarious.
    Seriously, though? WHY are people comfortable posting things that they’d never, say, talk to you over the phone about?God.

  26. Siddharth Singh July 10, 2009 at 3:01 am #

    I have blocked all friends who take quizes often. I have also blocked all quizzes.

    I’d have left facebook had they not given me the option of doing so.

  27. gonzo July 10, 2009 at 10:09 am #


  28. Jayme July 10, 2009 at 11:20 am #

    Me and most of my friends do them and do the stuff each other posts. Its just meant to be funny and something to do when bored. Not one of my friends has said anything, they usually do the quizzes I post and I do their’s.

  29. Maria July 10, 2009 at 1:02 pm #

    Love it! I always think everything you’ve just written each and every time I see a quiz post–can’t stand it!!

  30. blackbyrd July 10, 2009 at 2:33 pm #

    We are most definitely on the same page.

    I’m a teenager and I think it’s absolutely pathetic when I visit someone’s wall and find it crowded with the many quiz results they’ve published. If I end up taking one of those quizzes (which rarely happens, I assure you) I press the “skip” option so as to not embarrass myself.

    Apparently I am more mature than many of my Facebook “friends.”

  31. punkinmama July 10, 2009 at 2:53 pm #

    So. much. word.

  32. Forrester McLeod July 10, 2009 at 3:13 pm #

    Ha! Kindred Spirit, where you been? I am new to facebook and the whole quiz thing is beyond me. I just always return random comments when they are thrown my way. Haven’t gotten so many lately….

  33. JennC July 10, 2009 at 4:15 pm #

    I love you for this. I have friends who not only take every stinking quiz on Facebook AND post it to their newsfeed, but then feel the need to COMMENT on each and every one. I’ll post one or two that amuse me, but that cancel button? Best invention ever.

  34. Kristen July 10, 2009 at 8:31 pm #

    Oh, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I thought I just had annoying FB *friends* glad you do too.

    Again Thank you for saying this funnier and more eloquent than I ever could 🙂

    Did I say thank you?

  35. wanda July 10, 2009 at 8:40 pm #

    Now i guess u don`t have a life either coz u had tyme 2 say that crap,don`t b jealous,join in,show u got a brain,but at the moment,doesn`t seem like it!Get an upgrade,on u&the computer.

  36. ingrid July 10, 2009 at 9:33 pm #

    I have to admit to being one of those weirdos that enjoys quizes & tests but I do refrain from forwarding them on to people.

  37. Sue July 11, 2009 at 12:45 pm #

    I SO agree with you on this. I joined Facebook to get re-acquainted with old high school friends – but having my screen filled with quiz after quiz after quiz is extremely annoying. Not to mention I don’t need some of this info, nor do I want it!

  38. Kat Morgan July 11, 2009 at 8:23 pm #

    I have tried going off Facebook (deactivating my account), but you can only leave temporarily….sign back in any time you like and all your info is STILL there…
    “You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave…” comes to mind…..

  39. pochp July 12, 2009 at 4:16 am #

    This is a great ranting post.
    Would you like this reposted at WP Writers Group at

  40. Missy July 12, 2009 at 10:24 am #

    Dear Neurotic Facebook hater

    Don’t f’cking go on Facebook, hurry up and get your anger-related stroke, die crazy, and leave us (the happy FB quiz takers who get laid nightly) alone. Yep, get u a piece of ass and u’d like Facebook (and a whole other bunch of crap your neurotic ass is whining about now)


  41. lettergirl July 12, 2009 at 3:50 pm #

    Awww, someone needs a hug, Missy.

  42. Playstead July 12, 2009 at 4:19 pm #

    Absolutely brilliant post. This should be sent to everyone who signs up for Facebook before they clog everyone’s feed with this garbage. Nice work.

  43. pochp July 12, 2009 at 7:06 pm #

    See how neurotic some FB addicts are?

  44. MizRE July 16, 2009 at 11:54 am #

    Agreed! Here’s the next Quiz post I expect to see from the yo-yos who clutter my Facebook page touting themselves with results from these meaningless quizzes (it’s kind of like how people claiming to be reincarnated are always royalty…)


    You have Narcissistic Personality Disorder as described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, IV edition

    Defined as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, you fit five (or more) of the following characteristics:

    (1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

    (2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

    (3) believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

    (4) requires excessive admiration

    (5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

    (6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

    (7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

    (8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

    (9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes”

  45. liberty July 18, 2009 at 4:41 pm #

    can’t believe i just sat here and read all of these comments.. but then I read MizRE’s and just had to reply.
    did you really, seriously, go dig out your DSM and type that as a COMMENT to someone else’s blog post? holy crap. although I guess you probably just pasted it from elsewhere on teh internets.
    either way, it is hilarious to me – i studied narcissism in my personality/social psychology phd program and i like to tell people that i left grad school because “i couldn’t justify finishing a phd in facebook quizzes.” 🙂

  46. ally July 19, 2009 at 11:57 am #

    Queen! Woman, you ARE the QUEEN!!!

  47. SNIGUENIG December 8, 2009 at 8:07 am #

    Второй комментарий не в счет 🙂 Наглядный пример какие комментарии не будут защитываться


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