Craziest Thing Ever

13 May

So, as if you needed more evidence that newspapers are in trouble, guess what, y’all? The San Antonio Express-News has asked me to blog on their web site,

Well, it actually happened like this, Roy Bragg, columnist extraordinaire, sent out a note onTwitter looking for bloggers in San Antonio.

And as my dogs are my witness, I responded, “Umm. This is embarrassing. But I’m kind of awesome.”

Roy was polite enough to say “Oh, I was totally already thinking of you,” which is probably a lie, but a smooth move. Then he even followed that up with “direct message me your email and I’ll send you a pitch letter.”

Which then? AWKWARD. Because Roy was not actually following me on Twitter, so I couldn’t send him a direct message because that is how Twitter protects people from stalkers. And also apparently how they protect Roy from self-promoting bloggers.

So I asked a mutual friend for his email address, but I think she actually hates me because she gave me an email he doesn’t check. (I am ONTO you, Donna.)

And then Roy sent me another message that was all “I’m listening” and had an embedded sound file of him tapping his fingers impatiently, I swear. And finally I had to say “Hello, you are not listening and that is why I can’t DM you, Aggie!” That is how you impress people when you want to blog for a big deal newspaper.

Surprisingly, Roy still wanted me to write a blog, which is how I am going to become rich and famous. Although not actually rich because newspapers are broke, in case you haven’t noticed. So they came up with this “community blogging initiative” which means “get a lot of desperate people to write for us for free.”

As far as I can tell, everyone else seems pretty normal, so I may be the only one Roy sent a detailed list of swear words I could and could not use on the newspaper website. Which hello? I was not going to use anyway because I have to use my real name.  Yes. I know. No, I am not going to publish the list on here. See “have to use my real name” above.

Anyway, go look at my big-time blogging opportunity. Right now I think all that’s there is my 200-word bio. But big things are coming.

Go On. Click Here Right Now.

Oh wait. Now there is also a post there. A post wherein I suggest myself as a Supreme Court nominee and reveal which justices currently go commando under their robes.  Now really, go there and leave a comment or make a campaign contribution.

14 Responses to “Craziest Thing Ever”

  1. Amy May 13, 2009 at 8:10 pm #

    Most excellent bio.

  2. RJ Flamingo May 13, 2009 at 8:33 pm #

    Dude! I see they made you edit out the name of the Catholic school…. censorship already? And that’s just your bio! What would they do with the post before this one? 🙂

    Congrats! Time to install a hit counter…

  3. Elle May 13, 2009 at 8:37 pm #

    You are going to be famous! Or sued. One or the other. lmbo!


  4. Tara P May 13, 2009 at 8:38 pm #

    How exciting! Keep us posted when your stuff is published!

  5. lettergirl May 13, 2009 at 8:41 pm #

    I took that out myself, RJ. LOL

  6. queenofhaddock May 13, 2009 at 8:43 pm #

    your bio made me laugh out loud, as usual. i’m excited for you!
    and I’m sure that my bible study crowd is also praying for my bleeding-heart liberalism. glad to know I’m not alone! 🙂

  7. RJ Flamingo May 13, 2009 at 9:10 pm #


  8. Ron Galvan May 13, 2009 at 9:15 pm #

    Very Cool.

  9. Icy Blue May 13, 2009 at 9:48 pm #

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! WTF? How incredible! Are you insanely excited? San Antonio is about to be taken by storm! You rock! and I am so glad you are going to get to share your work with a big, cool audience. also a time where a little good news is more than needed. God is a special Dude. I’m anti-groupy. and I’m going to be a groupy. I might follow you around wearing my Roo Buffalo t shirt. 🙂 Really though, so happy 4 U. You know that you can make your own bumper stickers, or have a creative friend make them for you- in fact, I think that person already feels like making some joke funny ones to send you- Seriously though, way to go Dawn!

  10. Bethany May 14, 2009 at 7:23 am #

    CONGRATS!!!! Look out San Antonio!

  11. RuthWells May 14, 2009 at 7:54 am #


  12. leahg May 14, 2009 at 9:27 am #

    and I’ll be able to say, “I knew her when!” congratulations!

  13. JennC May 14, 2009 at 5:06 pm #

    Dude. You’re like, famous and stuff.

    Way to go, for serious.

  14. ingrid May 20, 2009 at 12:57 pm #

    Congrats! When you’re rich or atleast famous don’t forget us little people who laughed along with you.

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