As if the plague of Swine Flu is not enough, look what is in the neighbors’ yard right this minute.
A GIANT LIZARD. I am pretty sure it eats babies. And has probably HAD babies, come to think of it. And come to think of it some more, those babies will probably descend en masse on the house tonight , dropping down through the vents and crawling around on me while I am sleeping.
At least that is what I am going to imagine is happening every time I hear a noise.
Because SERIOUSLY this lizard is at least a foot long, and it is just sitting out in the yard like he owns the place. Every child in the neighborhood is gathered around it, and it’s assessing them like they’re the buffet at Golden Corral.
I am screaming helpful advice like “DO NOT POKE THE LIZARD WITH YOUR SONIC STRAW! NO!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T PUT THE STRAW BACK IN YOUR DRINK!!!”
Now, the last time I checked, we did not live in an area populated by giant baby-eating lizards, so this one probably came up from Mexico and is carrying Swine Flu.
We are all going to die, Internet. Hold me.