Surviving the A-pork-alypse

27 Apr

You may not have heard, but we’re undergoing a little bit of a “situation” here in South Texas. Couple of kids at a nearby high school came down with Swine Flu. So  just down the road, the schools are closed, church services canceled, and you cannot turn on the TV without hearing “pandemic” at least 30 times an hour in a special report from Correspondent Piglet Little.

Happy Monday.

I am dealing with it in my own special way.

swine flu

Why just face the virus with a standard surgical mask?

Bonus tip: breathe in too deeply after you’ve made those little nostrils with a Sharpie marker, and “high on the hog” is going to take on a whole new meaning.

I have some additional precautionary measures in place as well. Our kids’ school, for instance, remains open. So on advice from my friend Sherri at This Blessed Mess,  we slathered them with Purell and sent them on their way using alternate transportation arrangements.


At least it’s not like it was when I was a kid and the trip was uphill both ways.

Some of the paranoia is a little overkill, however. Contrary to some hysterics, you do not need to give up eating ham and bacon to avoid swine flu. This should be obvious, since *duh* both of those are made from “cured” pork. It says so right on the package.

It’s also important not to confuse other possible ailments for Swine Flu.  Symptoms for Swine Flu, according to the CDC, include fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue.

If you are suddenly feeling like you should move to Iceland, singing eclectic avant-garde music, and wearing unusual outfits to premieres, however? That indicates something more serious. You may have a strain of the disease seen only once before.

Swan Flu

Swan Flu.

P.S. The kids down the road are recovering just fine.  If by any chance you got here searching for “Swine Flu” and need some real information, you can get it here: CDC Swine Flu Information.

9 Responses to “Surviving the A-pork-alypse”

  1. MrsMessiness April 27, 2009 at 12:03 pm #

    Awesome. THE Awesome-est.

    Also? When your kids roll around in giant hamster balls, it is no longer necessary to bathe them in showers/bathtubs and waste all that water; you can simply spray in some Lysol, close tightly, and shake.

    So congrats on your new GREEN lifestyle!!

  2. Elle April 27, 2009 at 12:03 pm #

    I’ll bet you’re the only cute pig in the neighborhood. 😉

  3. Peapodsquadmom April 27, 2009 at 12:20 pm #

    quick! open up an ebay store selling those pig snout masks! you’ll be rich, i tell you.

  4. RJ Flamingo April 27, 2009 at 2:11 pm #

    I love the smell of Sharpie in the morning…
    it smells like victory! Seriously, should you be huffing at a time like this? You may start hallucinating Bjork, or something. Oh, wait…

  5. Ed April 27, 2009 at 7:43 pm #

    Miss Piggy would be envious!

  6. Becky April 28, 2009 at 10:18 am #

    Dude. Pass that Sharpie to the left hand side.

  7. ingrid April 28, 2009 at 10:30 am #

    Ha, ha, ha! High on the hog. Makes me start giggling everytime I go back to read.

    All kidding aside glad to hear you and the kids are taking proper precautions.

  8. Beth April 28, 2009 at 2:21 pm #

    Oh my heavens, I love your blog. Came to you through joyunexpected and read your lovely lovely post about Maddie.

    But you are funny and awesome (oh my I sound stalkery). I too am a Christian who cusses! Yay us? I’ll be reading more. Currently in blog limbo myself.

  9. Temperance April 30, 2009 at 8:04 am #

    your ham and bacon are cured statement made my dr laugh

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