Boom Chicka… What? What?!?!?

18 Feb

Dear Parenting Experts,

So last night,  I came in from a late class to say goodnight to the children, already ensconced in  their pajamas and beds. Of course, the 11-year-old wanted to talk. Anything to escape actually going to sleep.

The cute  boy in class broke his wrist skateboarding.

She doesn’t remember how many pints are in a gallon.

Her dog’s ear feels weird. No really, feel it.

Eventually, to extricate myself, I said “OK, I love you and this is all very interesting, but I really have to go to the bathroom and you need to go to sleep.”

And as I walked out, she said, “Have fun *begin finger quoting* going to the bathroom. *end finger quoting*”

And then “Boom Chicka Wow Wow.”

I walked out, closed the door calmly, and went into shock in the hall.

Sweet Baby Moses in the bullrushes, what happened here? Seriously.

Because I think my daughter –  the one whose bedroom SHARES A WALL WITH MINE – just called me out on my excuse for leaving her room with finger quotes, and then punctuated it with the universal porn movie theme music.

Boom chicka wow wow, indeed.

First, she learned that from the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. Thank you, Hollywood.

Second, what is the appropriate response to this?

  1. Get her in counseling.
  2. Get myself in counseling.
  3. Send her to boarding school.
  4. Start looking up soundproofing companies for the shared wall.
  5. Call the Room Store and order twin beds for the Master Bedroom and 75 sets of adult-sized footage pajamas because I am pretty much NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN UNTIL SHE GOES TO COLLEGE.

Sorry, I got a little traumatized. I am breathing in a paper bag right now. I’m leaning towards option 5 right now. But I would really like some feedback here. So Dr. Phil, James Dobson, William Sears, whoever — if you’re reading this and have some advice, leave it in the comments.

Sincerely,

The One in Footed Pajamas

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18 Responses to “Boom Chicka… What? What?!?!?”

  1. Bethany February 18, 2009 at 8:45 am #

    Wait a minute!!! Are you saying she said “Boom Chica Wow Wow”…. TO YOU!?!?!?
    Holy craaaaaaaaaaaap!!! I’m hysterical at your expense!!!
    Ummm… year, get yourself some feety pajamas! And quiet down in there for the love of God! Hahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

  2. canarygirl February 18, 2009 at 8:46 am #

    Shheeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt! I totally know I shouldn’t be laughing *this hard* but that? That was funny.

  3. Deb February 18, 2009 at 10:24 am #

    OMG….I would have been dumbfounded.

    I am a firm believer in insulation interior walls as well as exterior walls. Some sounds are not meant to be heard in the next room.

  4. elleskitchen February 18, 2009 at 10:53 am #

    I like to imagine that we’re quiet and the kids can’t hear us. But deep down, I know that’s not true.

    LMAO, though!!

  5. Renee February 18, 2009 at 5:57 pm #

    OH that just made me laugh- I would have freaked out!!!!! and yeah, I would have no more sex!

  6. Dani February 18, 2009 at 9:19 pm #

    Okay, I’ve been cracking up at your blog since I found it a couple of months ago, but….OMG I’m still in shock….check the springs on your mattress, girl!

    And look into that soundproofing….*LOL*

  7. Tami Lyn February 19, 2009 at 3:54 am #

    Our youngest said our bed squeaks (which we don’t think it does) but told her she should be glad we still like each other. Puts fingers in ears and sings to herself.

  8. tina February 19, 2009 at 7:57 am #

    omg I shouldn’t be laughing, but I’ll share my horror story so you can laugh. Truly though worse is if they walk in on you. I’m a huge fan of locking the door all the time of course hubby assured me yes he locked the door. Well of course he didn’t nothing worse I was afraid to have sex for a long time after that

  9. RJ Flamingo February 19, 2009 at 11:19 am #

    I think the potential of that sort of thing is why we don’t have children. 😉

    I vote for soundproofing. You’ll be extra glad when she becomes an official teenager…

  10. Janet February 19, 2009 at 5:03 pm #

    1) Invest in earplugs. Bulk bins. Tell her it’s so the “nasty ear monsters under the bed” don’t get her earwax and make a voodoo doll out of it. Giving a kid a complex/fear is always a good way to go about it.
    2) Try to see how quiet you can keep things (that actually gets pretty fun…).

  11. RuthWells February 20, 2009 at 11:40 am #

    I think the shared wall was your first mistake….

  12. Foodycat February 20, 2009 at 1:02 pm #

    At least your child doesn’t think it is completely gross and horrific. Which is healthy!

  13. Ron Merlin February 21, 2009 at 9:50 pm #

    Hilarious post. Having raised three, I could spend hours telling ya stories like that. Welcome to the club.

  14. LGV February 23, 2009 at 3:03 pm #

    Are you certain it wasn’t the bedroom mirror-ball that gave away your secret? (Note to self – immediately add soundproofing to our son’s adjacent closet.)

  15. ingrid February 24, 2009 at 10:20 am #

    LOL….oh my goodness. I’m paranoid about the kids finding out that that still goes on. My youngest is going to be traumatized for sure. She thinks her Dad is her man and loves her best. She gets jealous of any display of affection between the two of us.LOL!
    ~ingrid

  16. Debra Sue February 27, 2009 at 11:33 pm #

    Oh my cow. I can’t stop laughing. I may have to go get Chris! This, you see, is why our bedroom is on the opposite side of the house from our childrens’ rooms. If I were you, I’d just blame everything the children do that baffles you on Kerry.

  17. culinspiration February 28, 2009 at 9:29 am #

    Haha. Move your bed away from said shared wall, stat!

  18. Sean March 3, 2009 at 10:55 am #

    Ok. I’m just now getting caught up on your blog and this, by far, is one of the funniest things I have ever read. I’m sorry, but it’s funny. I don’t have kids, but I could only imagine the horra if one of my kids did that to me. I guess that’s why I’m grateful that growing up, my parents had a room on the other side of the house.

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