Dear Parenting Experts,
So last night, I came in from a late class to say goodnight to the children, already ensconced in their pajamas and beds. Of course, the 11-year-old wanted to talk. Anything to escape actually going to sleep.
The cute boy in class broke his wrist skateboarding.
She doesn’t remember how many pints are in a gallon.
Her dog’s ear feels weird. No really, feel it.
Eventually, to extricate myself, I said “OK, I love you and this is all very interesting, but I really have to go to the bathroom and you need to go to sleep.”
And as I walked out, she said, “Have fun *begin finger quoting* going to the bathroom. *end finger quoting*”
And then “Boom Chicka Wow Wow.”
I walked out, closed the door calmly, and went into shock in the hall.
Sweet Baby Moses in the bullrushes, what happened here? Seriously.
Because I think my daughter – the one whose bedroom SHARES A WALL WITH MINE – just called me out on my excuse for leaving her room with finger quotes, and then punctuated it with the universal porn movie theme music.
Boom chicka wow wow, indeed.
First, she learned that from the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. Thank you, Hollywood.
Second, what is the appropriate response to this?
- Get her in counseling.
- Get myself in counseling.
- Send her to boarding school.
- Start looking up soundproofing companies for the shared wall.
- Call the Room Store and order twin beds for the Master Bedroom and 75 sets of adult-sized footage pajamas because I am pretty much NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN UNTIL SHE GOES TO COLLEGE.
Sorry, I got a little traumatized. I am breathing in a paper bag right now. I’m leaning towards option 5 right now. But I would really like some feedback here. So Dr. Phil, James Dobson, William Sears, whoever — if you’re reading this and have some advice, leave it in the comments.
The One in Footed Pajamas