Dear Commando Boy

3 Feb

Our suspicions started over the weekend when in  the  middle of the 75th or 76th load of laundry, your dad had a worrisome inquiry.

“Weird question, but have you put away any underwear for the boy?”

In retrospect, I had not. Although we had washed approximately 5 jackets that you had put in the laundry after one wearing, fished one rock, three crayons,  a roll of tape and a baseball from your pockets, and inexplicably found a swimsuit in the hamper. In February. But no underwear had made an appearance.

I checked the closet, wondering if stray pairs were there. No skivvies. Under the bed? Nada. In your drawer? Pair after pair of clean, folded boxers and briefs. Curiouser and curiouser.

So Monday morning, when you came into breakfast, I asked quietly. “Son, we noticed this weekend that we had not washed very many pairs of underwear for you. Are you wearing underwear?”

“Yes.”

“The same pair more than once?” Dad asked.

I shuddered.

“Umm, maybe?”

“Are you wearing some now?” I pressed on.

“YES!” came the indignant answer.

“Awesome. Then can you show me the band please?”

You made a big show of confidently looking, and then feigned shock when of course, no band was found.

“Oh! I guess I’m not! Huh!”

After being sent back to your room to re-group and a second band check, off to school we went.

This morning, same scene.

“Did you remember underwear?”

“Umm, Yes.”

“Let me see the band.”

“Wait, no.”

Now I know at 9, you don’t get to make a lot of choices. You have to go to school, you have to do homework, you have to take showers. I won’t let you have  a cell phone, something that sends you hurling to your bed weeping at the inhumane cruelty of it all.

But if you’re going to make a stand for individuality and freedom of choices, let’s not make it on this particular issue, OK? You’re not old enough for me to show you the tragic scene in “There’s Something About Mary.”

Suffice it to say, this is for your own good.

Love,

Mom

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8 Responses to “Dear Commando Boy”

  1. Tami Lyn February 3, 2009 at 8:45 am #

    LOL, yeah, that scene may just need to wait a few years! While my daughters always wear undies (or dental floss in one case) I know there have been times they forgot to change the next day. Dude, you got naked to get in the shower-how could you not remember to bring a clean pair of panties with you?
    I love being a parent-it is an endless supply of stories and fodder.

  2. Elle February 3, 2009 at 9:32 am #

    My 9 year old son hates wearing underwear. Even though he knows he has to, lol. He’s funny–he can’t stand feeling his clothes on his body, if that makes any sense. Everything has to be super comfortable–he hates things like jeans because they’re stiff, and won’t wear hooded sweatshirts because he feels like they’re choking him.

  3. Kathy February 3, 2009 at 11:35 am #

    Yikes! But then there is my 9 year old granddaughter who asked her mom to buy her ProActive cause she has a blemish! And we used to say, “Wait till they’re teenagers!”…I don’t know!

  4. Kristy - Where's My Damn Answer February 3, 2009 at 2:17 pm #

    hahah … just ONE of the joys of having a boy.

  5. RuthWells February 5, 2009 at 12:49 pm #

    You’re giving me PTSD. And flashbacks.

  6. LGV February 5, 2009 at 3:34 pm #

    This confirms my belief that commando is only enticing in the context of men thinking of women.

  7. ingrid February 7, 2009 at 9:36 pm #

    Too funny…I’m not sure what I’d say if one of my guys stopped wearing underwear. I think I’d be more upset if my daughter didn’t wear panties.
    ~ingrid

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  1. Dear Fifth Grade « Not Going Postal - April 20, 2009

    […] course that’s a made-up name. Puhlease. My son isn’t really named Commando Boy […]

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