Dear Silver-Shorts Cyclist

26 Jan

The weather’s getting beautiful here in South Texas. Just like the swallows return to Capistrano, the Lycra-clad return to the roadways.  And so there you were, stopped at the light, right next to the car window.

Good for you for seizing the day.  And for wearing a helmet. And for following traffic laws. I used to bike quite a bit myself, and I’m happy to share the road.

But I need to let you in on something.

Those shiny silver bike shorts? They’re conspiring against you, dude. Too small. A little sweaty. And obviously worn on quite a few rides.

And that, my two-wheeling friend, is the holy trinity of unholy transparency.

Repeat after me. Aerodynamic, good. See-through, bad. It makes for some hairy conversation with kids in the car. Speaking of hairy, it’s a quick pedal to Jeanette’s Salon in Stone Oak, and they have a *great* waxer there. You’ll be more aerodynamic.

Before you head out again, do yourself a favor. Put your shorts on.  Get them a little damp. Reach over and touch your toes and have someone take a picture from behind out in the midday sun. If you could then play connect-the-dots with your posterior pimples, it’s time for new shorts.

Sincerely,

Bleaching my Eyes

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7 Responses to “Dear Silver-Shorts Cyclist”

  1. Amy January 26, 2009 at 2:31 pm #

    bingo

  2. Kathy January 26, 2009 at 2:37 pm #

    Cruel!!! But from the sound of it, the eye bleaching was 100% necessary!

  3. Cathy - wheresmydamnanswer January 26, 2009 at 4:20 pm #

    So funny – I cannot tell you how many times I have thought similar thoughts while shielding my eyes at the gym…

  4. LGV January 26, 2009 at 4:33 pm #

    Now that’s a mental stain no ordinary cleaner can remove. Your relaying the ordeal seems akin to the movie The Ring – a haunting perpetuation of horror. Where do I get a karma-cleanse?

  5. ingrid January 26, 2009 at 9:47 pm #

    Holy cow! I’n not sure what to say. LOL!
    ~ingrid

  6. Elle January 27, 2009 at 10:01 am #

    Disgusted, yet LMAO at the same time!

  7. jessi January 27, 2009 at 10:20 pm #

    Can you go with me for moral support when I get a bikini wax this summer…I mean not necessarily in the room, but just you know someone to laugh with so I don’t think about how the strange lady is going to be checking out the woo-hoo!

Comments are closed.

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